oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
