Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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