What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
