apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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