all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize