yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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