drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
