Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
