I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
