i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
