piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
