Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
