soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
