The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
