Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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