My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
