He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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