All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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