He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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