worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
