why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
