Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
