Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
