Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
