Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
