I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
