Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize