How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
