Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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