i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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