youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
where am i from again
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
