Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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