i just wanna soil my oats bro
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
