My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
