i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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