I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
