Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
