you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
