The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
