like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
