it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize