Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
