I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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