I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
