I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
