I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
