I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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