I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
