We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
