i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
