dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
