speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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