I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
