babies were throwing up all over the place
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize