He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize