I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
