do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
