3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
