i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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