Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
