winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
