He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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