I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
