ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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