HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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