How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
