I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
