last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize