I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
