Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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