I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
