so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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