I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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