This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
