So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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