She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she woke up with a sticky ear
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
