this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
