so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
