That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize