He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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