the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
