if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how does that bad decision feel?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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