I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
