dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize