Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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