i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
