Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
