i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
