She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
