ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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