hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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