this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize