And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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