was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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