Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
