Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How's work?
Spinning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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