Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize