I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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