I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
