College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She told me I should be a condom model.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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