i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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