listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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