i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
