this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
