Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
