he told me I talked like a deaf person
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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