and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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