You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
